Hello, Nine-Year-Old Self.
Do you ever think about what your younger self would think about you now? I do that sometimes. Usually the younger self I envision is my nine-year-old self. There are reasons for that -- my ninth year was a big one. I was put on my first diet then; something that has been an ongoing struggle ever since. I got baptized and committed my life to Jesus that year, still the best decision I ever made. When I think back, that was the year right before I waded out into the choppy waters of being a teen. As best I can tell, that year was the end of my childhood. I understood for the first time that I was responsible for this life of mine and that I had decisions to make.
I also spent a lot of time then imagining my grown-up self. My friend Joey and I talked about it all the time. We discussed important things: whether or not we'd move away from our home town and what we thought middle school would be like. I imagine my nine-year-old self would be happy about some things and disappointed about others. For one thing, I always hoped I would grow up to be stunningly gorgeous. That didn't exactly work out. On the other hand, I think my younger self would be happy that I've found a job I love and pleased with the relationship I have with God.
I was thinking about my younger self a few days ago because I read a novel for teens called The Perks of Being a Wallflower. The book has been out for a while. In fact, there's a movie adaptation now too. Here's the trailer.
It's the kind of book that makes you examine your life. I felt that was especially true for me since I teach teens. It does a good job showing the diverse issues teens have to face. However, I feel like the book doesn't exactly offer any answers or life direction for teens that might read it. I also think that most teens don't deal with all those issues at the same time. If you haven't read it, think Catcher in the Rye for a new generation.
It's also clear to me that the book will make some people uncomfortable, and I understand that. Sometimes my students make choices about sex or drugs that I personally disagree with, and every fiber of my being is screaming, "No! This is such a bad idea! What about your future?" At the same time, I also recognize that figuring out what you believe and what your life is going to look like is part of the coming of age process, and it isn't easy, although everybody has to go through it. Why do you think there is a whole "coming of age" genre?
The most important thing to me is not forgetting what it was like to be in high school. It seems we adults get past that time and instantly sugar-coat the whole experience. I could easily sit here and remember pranks (stealing Mr. Hartsell's goggles), Chemistry study nights with Mel and Lindy, or Friday afternoon pep rallies. All those things were great, but I don't want to allow their golden hue to block out all the times I cried after school, worried about being boyfriend-less, or was targeted by mean girls. Not to mention the fact that most of the time I walked around terrified about my future.
In the book Charlie says, "Maybe these are my glory days and I’m not even realizing it because they don’t involve a ball." Isn't that how it is when you're a teen? You hear your parents tell you, "These are the best days of your life!" But it doesn't feel that way at the time. I try to remember that every day when I walk on campus. Ignoring the struggles teens have won't make them go away.
Over the summer I read a really powerful book called Thirteen Reasons Why. It's essentially a novel about teen suicide. Personally, I've lost some students to suicide, one of them earlier this year. The Sunday morning after it happened, we talked about his death in our ladies' Bible class, and one woman said, "I just can't imagine how a seventeen year old feels like he has nothing to live for." I understand what she meant. There's this irony in the suicide of a young person. Being young is a gift, but it can also seem like a curse.
There aren't any easy answers about how much adults need to, or even can, help steer teens through their adolescence. I recently asked my students to write about what they want from the adults in their lives. As you can imagine, I got a range of answers, all the way from lock down, strict parents to absolute freedom. As best I can tell, the best solution is relationship and communication, which isn't always easy to maintain with a fiery teenager. I know that from daily experience.
Still, I try every day to make sure my students feel noticed and appreciated. I never want them to go home on a Friday afternoon like this one feeling alone or that life isn't worth living.
Looking back, I think I lucked out. My teen years were tough, but my relationship with God saw me through. When I faced tough issues, I turned to His word for answers. He even stuck with me when I doubted Him, or He placed people in my path to help guide me when I was confused. One of my constant prayers is that He'll allow me to be a source of support for the teens in my life because my teen years taught me that even when I didn't believe in God, He always believed in me.
I also spent a lot of time then imagining my grown-up self. My friend Joey and I talked about it all the time. We discussed important things: whether or not we'd move away from our home town and what we thought middle school would be like. I imagine my nine-year-old self would be happy about some things and disappointed about others. For one thing, I always hoped I would grow up to be stunningly gorgeous. That didn't exactly work out. On the other hand, I think my younger self would be happy that I've found a job I love and pleased with the relationship I have with God.
I was thinking about my younger self a few days ago because I read a novel for teens called The Perks of Being a Wallflower. The book has been out for a while. In fact, there's a movie adaptation now too. Here's the trailer.
It's the kind of book that makes you examine your life. I felt that was especially true for me since I teach teens. It does a good job showing the diverse issues teens have to face. However, I feel like the book doesn't exactly offer any answers or life direction for teens that might read it. I also think that most teens don't deal with all those issues at the same time. If you haven't read it, think Catcher in the Rye for a new generation.
It's also clear to me that the book will make some people uncomfortable, and I understand that. Sometimes my students make choices about sex or drugs that I personally disagree with, and every fiber of my being is screaming, "No! This is such a bad idea! What about your future?" At the same time, I also recognize that figuring out what you believe and what your life is going to look like is part of the coming of age process, and it isn't easy, although everybody has to go through it. Why do you think there is a whole "coming of age" genre?
The most important thing to me is not forgetting what it was like to be in high school. It seems we adults get past that time and instantly sugar-coat the whole experience. I could easily sit here and remember pranks (stealing Mr. Hartsell's goggles), Chemistry study nights with Mel and Lindy, or Friday afternoon pep rallies. All those things were great, but I don't want to allow their golden hue to block out all the times I cried after school, worried about being boyfriend-less, or was targeted by mean girls. Not to mention the fact that most of the time I walked around terrified about my future.
In the book Charlie says, "Maybe these are my glory days and I’m not even realizing it because they don’t involve a ball." Isn't that how it is when you're a teen? You hear your parents tell you, "These are the best days of your life!" But it doesn't feel that way at the time. I try to remember that every day when I walk on campus. Ignoring the struggles teens have won't make them go away.
Over the summer I read a really powerful book called Thirteen Reasons Why. It's essentially a novel about teen suicide. Personally, I've lost some students to suicide, one of them earlier this year. The Sunday morning after it happened, we talked about his death in our ladies' Bible class, and one woman said, "I just can't imagine how a seventeen year old feels like he has nothing to live for." I understand what she meant. There's this irony in the suicide of a young person. Being young is a gift, but it can also seem like a curse.
There aren't any easy answers about how much adults need to, or even can, help steer teens through their adolescence. I recently asked my students to write about what they want from the adults in their lives. As you can imagine, I got a range of answers, all the way from lock down, strict parents to absolute freedom. As best I can tell, the best solution is relationship and communication, which isn't always easy to maintain with a fiery teenager. I know that from daily experience.
Still, I try every day to make sure my students feel noticed and appreciated. I never want them to go home on a Friday afternoon like this one feeling alone or that life isn't worth living.
Looking back, I think I lucked out. My teen years were tough, but my relationship with God saw me through. When I faced tough issues, I turned to His word for answers. He even stuck with me when I doubted Him, or He placed people in my path to help guide me when I was confused. One of my constant prayers is that He'll allow me to be a source of support for the teens in my life because my teen years taught me that even when I didn't believe in God, He always believed in me.
"And so dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all He has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice-the kind He will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship Him. Don't copy the behaviors and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." Romans 12:1-2 (nlt)
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