Perhaps The Bard Said It Best

I just read this article called, "New York's Craziest Prenups." It detailed some of the strange stipulations from the prenuptial agreements of the rich and the not-so-rich. There's a part of me that understands having some sort of contract to protect material assets in the event that a marriage dissolves -- so many do these days. It's the other, now popular, demands that really bother me. In the article, examples were given that seem petty or just plain strange: no piano playing, no weight gain, no pregnancies, or even a fine for being rude to in-laws.

I guess the people who sign these agreements before they tie the knot have their reasons. I'll also say that I'm far from being an expert on marriages or any kind of relationship for that matter, but I can't help but think extreme contracts like the ones I just read about defeat the whole idea of marriage.

One of my all-time favorite poems is Shakespeare's 116th sonnet. Here's fresh, interesting reading:

Being an English major and all, I often find myself turning to The Bard for entertainment or advice. In this humble sonnet, Bill manages to say in exactly fourteen lines exactly what I think love should be all about.

In my short life, I've seen that life is crazy, awesome, scary, and unpredictable. Life changes us. We all get older and become different as a result of the things we've experienced. So I can't help but think -- If you're marrying someone and choosing him or her as your partner on this journey we call life, how can you expect the relationship, or person, to stay the same?  I know I'm not the same woman my husband married eight years ago. I'm not nearly as sweet and obliging as I used to be. I've learned how to be a teacher in a public high school so have become so much tougher and more independent. The great news is that my husband still loves me anyway. In all fairness, he's changed in some ways too.

Guess what? It's okay because we have changed and our relationship has changed, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. We've grown. When I married my husband, I was pretty sure I could count on him. Now I know I can because I've been able to see his steadfastness in a variety of situations.

Like life, marriage is a risky proposition. You commit to this one person, and you hope both of you have what it takes. I think that's why people ask for these overly detailed prenups; they want to control the chaotic meeting between human relationship and an uncertain future.

After all, loving other people isn't ever really easy. Mr. Rogers said, "Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” That, my friends, is the essential secret for marriage just like it is for any other relationship.

As Shakespeare said, "love is not love that alters when it alteration finds." A marriage is a sacred covenant, a promise made to God. At the end of every day, it is a promise you made to God first and then to the other person second. Whatever new circumstance or situation arises, the promise you made to God doesn't just go away. A prenup might make the outcome of a divorce settlement more predictable, but it doesn't change the marriage vow. Truly loving a person is choosing him or her over and over again; it isn't necessarily based on how you feel. Most of the time, it means consistently considering the needs of that other person before you consider your own.

Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave himself for it." Marriage is intended to be a reflection of the love that Jesus has for all of us believers, His Church. When I think about my relationship with Jesus, it mostly consists of him forgiving me and loving me no matter what. [If I made a list of spiritual victories alongside a list of spiritual failures, the failures list would easily run off the page.] I know I won't ever be perfect or be the ideal person, but that doesn't mean I'm not loved. So I am continually trying to offer my husband the same kind of real love that Jesus offers me.

An addendum for all the Austenites:


Image Credit: shakespeare.mit.edu