The Sneakiest Sin
Let me tell you a story.
My fashion sense has never been the greatest. Never. Nearly a decade ago, I got a teaching job and set out to buy some clothes that were "professional." Of all the things I could have purchased, I bought a baby pink suit with black pin stripes. I thought it looked great. I even got some pink hoop earrings, my favorite accessory, to set it off. I was so excited the first morning I wore it. I knew I looked great. I had just started my first year of teaching, and I wanted to make the right impression on my students, to gain their respect.
For the first half of the school day I got exactly the response I wanted. My students sat up straighter when they saw me, and many of them commented on my new outfit. I was feeling great when lunch time rolled around and I pushed my cart (I didn't have a classroom then) down to the teacher's lounge. Only one teacher was already there, a very sweet lady who had been spending her precious lunch break encouraging me for weeks. All I could think about was my lovely pink suit -- people had been making comments about it all day after all. "What do you think?" I asked and vogued, showing off what I was convinced was the best ensemble I'd ever purchased in my life.
Her response -- "Uh, it's a lovely color." She paused and gave me a significant look, the kind only a true friend that really loves you can give. "Let me guess," she said,"you decided to wear matching black underwear didn't you?"
I was taken aback. How could she possibly know what color underwear I had on? She just kept looking at me with raised eyebrows and pursed lips. I still really hadn't figured it out. I left my cart and stepped around the corner to the faculty bathroom. I'd been busy all day and hadn't had a chance to take a restroom break.
The huge mirror in the bathroom explained it all without a single word. The material the pink pants were made of was very thin, and a very clear outline of my black panties showed through. I was horrified and humiliated. Suddenly I saw every thing I'd heard about my outfit all day through a new lens. People weren't congratulating me on a fashion triumph but laughing about the embarrassing "panty shadow" that was walking around with me.
Not only was I crushed, but I also realized that I had no way to remedy the situation. Taking off the panties would make things worse, needless to say, and I couldn't go back home and change. I had two more classes to teach. I had to face the rest of the day looking like a fool, only now I knew it.
It didn't stop there. My husband beat me home, so he was there to greet me. He didn't even say hello. He just said, "You didn't!" and started laughing uncontrollably. The next day he even told everybody in his office what I'd done. In essence, I had walked around all day in front of hundreds of teens with my panties showing, and everyone in my life knew about it.
I was humiliated. I didn't even want to wear the suit ever again.
The past few weeks I've been thinking a lot about pride and what it does. What made me feel so bad when I wore that pink suit with black underwear? My pride got hurt, in a big way.
I believed I looked fantastic all those years ago, so I chose to see the things people were saying about me as an affirmation of what I already believed. Then I was forced to realize that I was just plain ridiculous; I made a mistake, and then I walked around like what I'd done was the greatest thing in the history of my life.
I wish I could say that day is the only time my pride has gotten the better of me. It isn't. In fact I've realized that there are kinds of pride that are much more damaging that thinking you look great in an outfit when you really don't. Pride is a sneaky little sin.What about when we as human beings think that we have it all figured out? That's when we become most useless to God. He can't use us, and He sure doesn't need any contribution we make out of our human wisdom. We end up miles away from Him without even realizing it.
I have gotten in the habit lately of thinking that I have something important to offer God. It's painful to admit it, but I have been walking around for a while thinking, "Wow, God must sure be glad I'm on His side." It has only recently become clear to me that I've been thinking that way. It didn't seem that absurd and horrifying when I was hiding it down in my heart, but now that it is exposed, I'm horrified. My spiritual panties are showing. I also wish I could say that I nobly figured it out all by myself and set about rectifying the situation, but I didn't. God has been working on humbling me.
Guess what? It hurts. I don't like it one bit.
This morning I read, "Do I hear you professing to believe in the one and only God, but then observe you complacently sitting back as if you had done something wonderful? That's just great. Demons do that, but what good does it do them? Use your heads! Do you suppose for a minute that you can cut faith and works in two and not end up with a corpse on your hands?" James 2:19-20 The Message (underlining mine)
Ouch. Don't get me wrong. I'm always thinking about things I can do for God. That's the problem. Somewhere along the way I lost it. I missed the whole point. I forgot the faith part of the equation that transforms me doing something into God doing something through me.
The Truth: I'm not wonderful. God is. Thankfully, He loves me, even if my underwear is showing.
My fashion sense has never been the greatest. Never. Nearly a decade ago, I got a teaching job and set out to buy some clothes that were "professional." Of all the things I could have purchased, I bought a baby pink suit with black pin stripes. I thought it looked great. I even got some pink hoop earrings, my favorite accessory, to set it off. I was so excited the first morning I wore it. I knew I looked great. I had just started my first year of teaching, and I wanted to make the right impression on my students, to gain their respect.
For the first half of the school day I got exactly the response I wanted. My students sat up straighter when they saw me, and many of them commented on my new outfit. I was feeling great when lunch time rolled around and I pushed my cart (I didn't have a classroom then) down to the teacher's lounge. Only one teacher was already there, a very sweet lady who had been spending her precious lunch break encouraging me for weeks. All I could think about was my lovely pink suit -- people had been making comments about it all day after all. "What do you think?" I asked and vogued, showing off what I was convinced was the best ensemble I'd ever purchased in my life.
Her response -- "Uh, it's a lovely color." She paused and gave me a significant look, the kind only a true friend that really loves you can give. "Let me guess," she said,"you decided to wear matching black underwear didn't you?"
I was taken aback. How could she possibly know what color underwear I had on? She just kept looking at me with raised eyebrows and pursed lips. I still really hadn't figured it out. I left my cart and stepped around the corner to the faculty bathroom. I'd been busy all day and hadn't had a chance to take a restroom break.
The huge mirror in the bathroom explained it all without a single word. The material the pink pants were made of was very thin, and a very clear outline of my black panties showed through. I was horrified and humiliated. Suddenly I saw every thing I'd heard about my outfit all day through a new lens. People weren't congratulating me on a fashion triumph but laughing about the embarrassing "panty shadow" that was walking around with me.
Not only was I crushed, but I also realized that I had no way to remedy the situation. Taking off the panties would make things worse, needless to say, and I couldn't go back home and change. I had two more classes to teach. I had to face the rest of the day looking like a fool, only now I knew it.
It didn't stop there. My husband beat me home, so he was there to greet me. He didn't even say hello. He just said, "You didn't!" and started laughing uncontrollably. The next day he even told everybody in his office what I'd done. In essence, I had walked around all day in front of hundreds of teens with my panties showing, and everyone in my life knew about it.
I was humiliated. I didn't even want to wear the suit ever again.
The past few weeks I've been thinking a lot about pride and what it does. What made me feel so bad when I wore that pink suit with black underwear? My pride got hurt, in a big way.
I believed I looked fantastic all those years ago, so I chose to see the things people were saying about me as an affirmation of what I already believed. Then I was forced to realize that I was just plain ridiculous; I made a mistake, and then I walked around like what I'd done was the greatest thing in the history of my life.
I wish I could say that day is the only time my pride has gotten the better of me. It isn't. In fact I've realized that there are kinds of pride that are much more damaging that thinking you look great in an outfit when you really don't. Pride is a sneaky little sin.What about when we as human beings think that we have it all figured out? That's when we become most useless to God. He can't use us, and He sure doesn't need any contribution we make out of our human wisdom. We end up miles away from Him without even realizing it.
I have gotten in the habit lately of thinking that I have something important to offer God. It's painful to admit it, but I have been walking around for a while thinking, "Wow, God must sure be glad I'm on His side." It has only recently become clear to me that I've been thinking that way. It didn't seem that absurd and horrifying when I was hiding it down in my heart, but now that it is exposed, I'm horrified. My spiritual panties are showing. I also wish I could say that I nobly figured it out all by myself and set about rectifying the situation, but I didn't. God has been working on humbling me.
Guess what? It hurts. I don't like it one bit.
This morning I read, "Do I hear you professing to believe in the one and only God, but then observe you complacently sitting back as if you had done something wonderful? That's just great. Demons do that, but what good does it do them? Use your heads! Do you suppose for a minute that you can cut faith and works in two and not end up with a corpse on your hands?" James 2:19-20 The Message (underlining mine)
Ouch. Don't get me wrong. I'm always thinking about things I can do for God. That's the problem. Somewhere along the way I lost it. I missed the whole point. I forgot the faith part of the equation that transforms me doing something into God doing something through me.
The Truth: I'm not wonderful. God is. Thankfully, He loves me, even if my underwear is showing.
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