Ringing Like a Bell

I know people who are bold, courageous, and inherently tough. I know people who are humble, focused, and intuitively seem to know just what needs to be done in every situation. I know people who don't have a habit of second guessing themselves. I know people who find living and breathing in their mortal bodies effortless. I am not one of those people . When I first started writing this blog last year, I felt like I was trying to expose what's really going on with me, deep inside, the way you might pop off the back of a watch to see all the little gears and springs inside. I've got a box full of old journals in a closet right beside the desk where I'm sitting. The chief difference between what you're reading now and those journals is audience. I'm letting you see what I have to say if you want to. I just read a book called An Altar in the World: A Geography of Faith   by Barbara Brown Taylor. As I read the introduction, I found a kindred spirit, not someo...

Since school has been out, I've been catching up on all the little things I've put off during the year. One of those things, besides resting and going to the dentist, is listening to all the podcasts I've missed in the last few months. One of my favorites is the Freakonomics podcast. The subtitle is "The Hidden Side of Everything." So if you like thinking about off-beat things in a weird way, let me recommend it. The Stevens (Levitt and Dubner) do a lot of talking about unintended consequences, and last week I listened to one called " The Cobra Effect ." Here's a quote: MEHROTRA : So the “cobra effect” refers to a scheme in colonial India where the British governor, or whoever, the person in charge in Delhi, wanted to rid Delhi of cobras. Apparently in his opinion there were too many cobras in Delhi. So he had the bounty placed on cobras. And he expected this would solve the problem. But the population in Delhi, at least some of it, responded by f...

Let me tell you about a student who sits right beside my desk. I'll give you three chances to guess why he sits in that particular seat, and the first two don't count. This guy drives me crazy! He spends his time in my class constantly looking at the other students and thinking of things to say that will make them laugh. (Mostly quotes from Rush Hour 2.)  He's a classic class clown. Needless to say these behaviors often interfere with his learning; he'll be lucky to get credit for my class at all. You might be thinking that I dislike this student of mine, but I don't. At heart, he's a good kid -- he just exhausts me. In fact, there's a tender spot right in the middle of my heart for him. I've been teaching for a while now (next year will be number ten), and I've learned quite a bit about human nature in that time. I can tell you that the atmosphere in the room shifts in just this certain way when a punch is about to be thrown, and nothing brings...

Each Thursday after school a group of students meets in my room. There aren't many of them, but that's okay. Each week a different one of them offers a brief devotional, and they pray. They pray for all sorts of things, but, most importantly they pray . I'm not able to participate in the group with them because of school guidelines about staff and religious activities, but I can offer them a place to meet and my supervision. Interestingly, I think my being just an observer is a good thing. First of all, the students bear the responsibility for the group. The decisions are theirs -- not mine. Second, watching them has been such a gift. Let me explain.  I know most of them outside school from church or the community. I teach in a small town, so I get to know my students in their actual lives -- not just as bodies in a classroom. The Bible Buddies, as they call themselves, have encouraged me so much. Each of them takes leadership and discipleship seriously. They are commit...

I have a good memory for faces but not always for names. My husband teases me unmercifully about it. He wobbles his head around in imitation of me and says, "He looks familiar!" It all started one night when a new episode of Cops was coming on. During the brief intro clip montage, I saw the face of a guy from my hometown. I perked right up and said, "Hey! I know that guy!" Sure enough, near the end of the episode, there he was being arrested during Mardi Gras. It happens all the time. Sometimes we'll be out somewhere in public, at a restaurant or a store. I'll turn to my husband and say, "I think I know that guy -- He looks so familiar to me." Then the waiter or clerk will say, "Hey! Remember me? You taught me five years ago!" My husband just shakes his head and says, "I swear. We can't go anywhere." It is a small world after all. Sometimes I'm sure he thinks I'm making it up, but I do really recognize peop...

What do you want? Has anyone ever asked you that question? If you've ever gone to a restaurant in the mall food court, you've surely been asked the same question by a bored fast food employee with a mouth full of gum and an attitude. Usually the answer is as simple as, "Fries and a coke." You should see me in a new restaurant. I nearly fly into a panic when I'm handed the menu because I want it all. In my heart I want to taste every new, good, delicious thing, so much so that it's a problem for me. Sometimes I take forever making up my mind or order quickly and experience a strange regret later that I didn't try the "special funky chicken." Most of the time it leads me to overeat. I think, "Just one more bite!" or "Of course, I'll have dessert." There's nothing inherently wrong with enjoying good food. In fact, it's one of the delights of this life, but, for me, the unhealthy relationship I have with food h...

If there's ever a Lifetime movie made about my life, I'm convinced it will amount to nothing more than a chubby actress bumbling through life enduring a series of clumsy, self-inflicted accidents. Scene one : she falls off her tricycle and skins her knees. Scene two : she loses her grip on the merry-go-round and is launched into a huge puddle of red mud. Scene three : an entire montage of bike wrecks. Scene four : she knocks down an entire row of tables at McDonald's. Scene five : an entire montage of horrendous athletic accidents -- tripping, bobbling the ball, getting smacked in the face... Scene six : she falls, head first, down the bleachers. Scene seven : she loses her balance and rolls down a hill on her college campus. Scene eight : she tumbles off her stool while her students are testing. Scene nine : she slips while trout fishing and nearly breaks her arm. Last night I added a new one to the list; I fell out of the church van while Christmas caroling. ...

It's no secret that I'm crazy about Jane Austen. I've read all her novels -- more than once . I'm also a fan of all the various adaptations of her works. Some are better than others; the 1995 Pride and Prejudice is absolutely my all time favorite. Here's a little peek if you've never seen it. I'm not the only Austenite. There are websites and fan clubs on every continent. Well, I'm not sure about Antarctica, but you get the idea. Her stories are popular for a variety of reasons. Jane is an excellent observer of humanity, so her characters are like people we meet in everyday life. She manages to be quite satirical and witty without being mean, but people mostly love the stories because no matter how realistic the story line is, the ending is always a happy one. Despite their misunderstandings, Darcy and Elizabeth work things out in the end. Edward finally comes to propose to Elinor, and Emma eventually gives up her matchmaking ways to realize she...

It's a lot like playing Whack-a-mole. I wake up in the morning and think, "Okay, today I'm going to work on my pride." Off I go focusing on being humble, and the next thing you know I'm complaining. I focus on kindness and I start being lazy. I focus on having more faith and begin wasting money on stupid stuff. It drives me crazy because I'm a perfectionist. I want to get it all right all the time. The thing is that people have been trying to be perfect for a long time. Take Benjamin Franklin for example -- he developed this system for himself that, frankly, sounds exhausting. He called it " the bold and arduous project of arriving at moral perfection ." He explains the whole thing in his autobiography.   He literally kept track of thirteen virtues every day. When he began keeping his charts as a young man, he figured out some hard truths. He says, "I was surprised to find myself so much fuller of faults than I had imagined." In th...

Everyone I've talked to has said, "They're an investment." I haven't met a single person with a pair of Dansko shoes who doesn't love them. I'm sure there's somebody out there, but it isn't anyone I know. Other teachers, nurses, friends, even my school's principal have all said the same thing. All I did was mention that I was thinking about getting a better pair of teacher shoes. That little opening did it. I heard all about how I would buy a pair and never go back. Lately my feet and lower legs have been just a little bit tired and achy. My shoe philosophy since I started teaching has been to buy shoes that are decent but not too pricey. I also have to admit a weakness for shoes that match a particular dress or look lovely, so I've suffered for fashion sometimes. I started to google 'teacher shoes' and ask around. The result? Like I already said, everybody is crazy about Dansko. Not the best looking shoes in the world, but und...

"Do you know where my mama's at?" Apparently this is the quote I was known for when I was just barely old enough to talk, for good reason. I have had this lifelong anxiety about being separated from my family. I've always felt completely confident to go anywhere or do anything as long as there's a family member with me. I'll bet there's a 'phobia' just for this. I'm googling it right now. *Cue annoying elevator music.* Wow. Okay, here's a direct quote from childrenshospital.org: "Many kids struggle with a specific fear of being physically separated from their parents or other family members. This is known as separation anxiety disorder (SAD) ." That's it! That's exactly how I've always felt. I don't really know why. I've thought about it a lot.  Maybe it's because I'm essentially a shy person, an introvert. I know some of you are snorting with laughter right now because you're thinking the...

I nearly made that "Redneck-ognize," but I thought that might be one Honey Boo Boo reference too many. I hear my students say this phrase sometimes, usually when they are upset with someone else or at least pretending to be. Funny word, recognize . I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Have you ever embarrassed yourself when you think you see someone you know? You know me. I've totally done it: One day I was walking across the campus at UNA, and I seriously thought I saw my friend Angie coming toward me. She was in a completely different town going to a completely different school at the time, so it made no sense for her to be at my university, but the more I looked, the more convinced I was that it was her. The girl I saw walked like her, had hair like her, and even dressed like her. It was probably some sort of psychological illusion because I really love my friend. She's like a walking party, and I was probably having a bad day or something -- wishful...

"MAMA! He did it again!"  When we were little, my brother had a fascination with ant hills. He couldn't stay away from them. He crouched down, watching the activity around the mound; he was fascinated. Then he would stomp on the mound. The only problem is that he didn't run away -- he would just stand there until the ants swarmed all over his feet and started biting him. Our mom would swoop outside when she heard him crying, start tearing his clothes and shoes off, and turn on the water hose. Since he did it all the time, she had to figure out the fastest way to get the ants off, so she would literally hose him down. We tried to make him stop. Our parents spanked him. I tried to keep an eye on him while we were playing, but by the time I realized what he was doing, it was usually too late. I  always understood why he did it. Ants mesmerized me too. Instead of adventurously tramping through the yard getting up close and personal with the little insects, I dream...

I'd already admonished my students to arrange their make up work with me. As I sat at my desk looking at the spreadsheet for my ninth grade class, there were holes, lots of holes. Some of the grades were downright abysmal, and progress reports were going home tomorrow. I shook my head, deciding to call the parents of students missing important test grades. Maybe that would get some results. The first few tries didn't get anyone, so I had to leave a message. Finally, a mom picked up. I explained who I was and said, "I'm calling because the test your son missed last Thursday needs to be made up." I paused expecting the standard response, "Okay, when can he arrange to do it." That's not what she said, "My son didn't miss that test. He was at school on Thursday." I sighed. "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but I don't have a test grade here, so he must have missed it." She stood firm, "Nope. He was at school. You've ...

My aunt says that walking every day is the fountain of youth, but I'm not sure I agree with her. Don't get me wrong. I tend to be an "excellent walker" as Jane Austen would say, but I think there is something else much more powerful than a daily constitutional-- the company of children . When I was in high school, I often took care of a little girl. We spent a lot of time together, and I must admit I tended to spoil her. She captained our shopping cart at the grocery store. I usually bought her whatever she threw in the basket on our "expeditions." I was obsessive about my grades and studied more than I really needed to, especially in my anatomy class. I'd be sitting there trying to re-read a chapter about the nervous system when my little charge would march in, shut the book, and declare, "We're going outside!" So that's what we did. We played with puppies and kittens, we fished in puddles for tadpoles, and created works of art w...

One day as newlyweds, my husband and I discovered a small kitten hiding under our shed. It took us hours to get it out of there, and the entire time my husband talked pure unadulterated smack about this tiny cat. "Oh great! I hate cats...You know we are not keeping this thing, right?.. We should just let it die...Hey Bailey, do you want a puppy snack?" We finally got him out, and it became clear why it took so long. He was really little, too little to be away from his mom and too little to eat solid food. He'd apparently been under there for a while because he was dehydrated, and his eyes were all gunked up. We held a family meeting while our dog watched. Bailey was still a puppy then; everything new was exciting. She was trying to jump up and lick the kitten in my arms. "Well, what are we going to do now?" my husband asked. "It needs kitten milk from Wal-Mart -- right away," I said, "Why don't you go get it?" "I don't ...