A Bird Pooped in My Mouth

Our mama would have whipped us with a switch if she'd known what we were doing. It was a sunny summer day and we were pushing our bikes toward the huge hill just off seventh street where we lived. We discovered the hill a few days before. My brothers and the other neighborhood kids were jubilant, but I was a little bit hesitant. As the big sister I felt duty bound to make some counter-arguments as we got closer. "Guys, what if a car comes? What will we do? Isn't it sort of dangerous?" They laughed at me, no shocker there.

So I hiked all the way up with my bike in tow, no mean feat for a chubby, unathletic twelve-year-old.  I pushed off and let go of my inhibitions (I couldn't stop if I wanted to), and things were glorious. The wind blew back my hair, I stood on  my pedals, I opened my mouth to yell out the exhilaration of the moment, and a bird pooped in my mouth. Of course, I instantly started trying to spit it out. I also yelled a news bulletin to my brothers and the other neighborhood boys. "A bird just pooped on my tongue," I said first a little disbelieving. Then I yelled, "A BIRD JUST POOPED  IN MY MOUTH!!" The boys thought it was hilarious. As we circumnavigated the block and came back home, they were all collapsed over their handlebars hooting wickedly. Just another day in my life.

If you know me, you also know this isn't the only story of its kind. What happens to me when I'm trying to be cool in the early days of fifth grade? I fall down the bleachers in front of the entire school. When I finally get my first car, it attracts groundhogs to an untimely death. I'm late for class on my very first day in college when my backpack falls open in front of the already seated class. My students are taking a test and I nearly fall off my stool forcing me to accomplish a series of acrobatics that would make Cirque de Soleil proud. I'm teaching, and I trip over a cord... I'm sure you get the picture.

When I tell people about these things that happen to me, they always laugh. Why? Why is America's Funniest Home Videos so funny? People laugh because we all know what it's like to face disappointment. I know  this sounds like a pretty obvious statement, but I think it is more important and profound than it appears on its face.

Everyone experiences disappointment and not just the ridiculous kind you can laugh about. I've prepared some visual aids for today's blog. I know my former students will be excited about this.

I've created a map to represent the expectations we all have for our lives. Granted some of you will have to change the finer details to fit yourselves, but I'm sure you get the idea. I know I've always had this idea about how my life would be. I wouldn't exactly say these are things I 'planned' because it would be more accurate to say that I expected certain things. For example, I planned to go to college, yet I somehow expected that I would 'just know' what path to take from there. I was disappointed. College was, and is for just about everybody, a confusing time for me. When I was in high school, I was so sure about my life. Somehow, "I'm going to college," seemed like enough. I knew everything else would work out, and it does, in a way, but not usually the way you expect,which is my whole point.

Most of the time what we really get feels like this:

At some point our expectation meets reality; disappointment happens. This happens to people at different times, which is part of the reason it isn't as easy for us to recognize that it happens to everybody. Some people are born into unhealthy families, so they experience it almost right away. Other people, like me, hit the speed bump a little bit later in high school or college. Sometimes it comes with a mid-life crisis, the death of a loved one, or the end of a relationship. It isn't a series of dots on a line. We're talking about a continuum here. What's worse is that most people face this multiple times. It happens again and again, just like the list of unfortunate events in my life above.

The other reason we don't see that all of us are suffering from the same problem is because there are different symptoms. People will seek out any way they can to escape from the pain of disappointment. I understand why people turn to drugs, alcohol, or whatever because my escape has always been food -- preparing food, feeding people food, receiving praise for food, and especially eating food. My inner dialogue looks like this, "Sigh, that student just called me an expletive. Therefore I need to eat three to five Dove chocolates from my desk drawer." It might look more innocent than taking a hit of heroin, but it's still physically unhealthy, emotionally and spiritually unhealthy too. It doesn't really matter how the distraction comes; what matters is that I've been using distractions like food every time I'm hurt or disappointed.

Don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with chocolate. In fact there's this new business in Wake Forest called Sweeties. She sells these amazing truffles in unusual flavors. I highly recommend them, especially the Key lime or Showgirls. What's wrong is that I've been eating stuff so that I don't have to face up to what's really going on inside.

If you've seen me lately, you know that I'm still struggling with this. I wear my wound around as a body suit, but I'm trying.

At this point it's only fair to tell you that trying to lose weight is not a new endeavor for me. I've been on diets since I was nine, and none of them have worked. You're probably confused right now. Let me guess. You're thinking, "Okay, you are disappointed. Then you eat too much, so you're overweight. Now you're taking control of your eating, but you say you've already tried that, and it didn't work. Where are we going with this?"

I thought you'd never ask.

Right now I'm working on getting to the root of the problem, which is a marathon not a sprint. This is a process for me. I've already invested a lot of time in it, and even though my progress may not be obvious on the outside, it's still there.

"What does this solution look like?" you might ask. Well, all my seeking and life experiences have convinced me of one truth:

There is no man-made answer. Only God can fix it.

Wow. Those two sentences look really lonely and unimpressive sitting there on the page all by themselves, but I believe them with all my being, with all my heart. I'd be willing to stake my life, this one and the next, on those two sentences. Believing them hasn't been cheaply won on my part. I feel like I've been on an endless journey of trial and error. I've spent hours reading and thinking things through.  "But you have always been surrounded by your religiously devoted family and friends, not to mention a strong community of believers," You might say.

Exactly. For that I will be eternally grateful. However, please understand that this journey isn't one that only I have been to making. You aren't exempt. No matter what the people in your life think or believe, you still have to work things out for yourself. Nobody can do it for you. Nobody else can live your life. Nobody else can tell you what to believe. Sure, people can help you. I've had several outstanding guides and mentors; I cry with joy and appreciation every day when I pray for them, but even the best of them was just a teacher. They could only show me the way. I had to be the one to walk it. I've learned to ask people what they believe, listen with respect, and then consider things for myself.

Earlier I said that my belief hadn't been cheaply won on my part. God's part wasn't cheaply won either. Have you ever read the account in the Gospels of Jesus praying in the Garden of Gethsemane? Here's what it says --

They came to an area called Gethsemane. Jesus told his disciples, "Sit here while I pray." He took Peter, James and John with him. He plunged into a sinkhole of dreadful agony. He told them, "I feel bad enough right now to die. Stay here and keep vigil with me." Going a little ahead, he fell to the ground and prayed for a way out: "Papa, Father, you can -- can't you? -- get me out of this. Take this cup away from me. But please, not what I want -- what do you want?  He came back and found them asleep. (Mark 14:32-37 The Message)

When I read those words, I can't imagine the anxiety, sorrow, and fear the Son of God was feeling. He even took along his best friends for moral support, but they just disappointed him. In the end, the path was his alone.  

I'd love to take credit for being brilliant and figuring this all out on my own, but I didn't. Brent Curtis and John Eldredge talk about this idea in their book The Sacred Romance, so if you want to learn more about it, I'd recommend their book.

Today you might be thinking, "Why are you writing all this? What's the big deal?" I love you too much not to write it. I've struggled myself, and I want to help every person I can find that bridge from this disappointing life to the full, abundant life. That life is Jesus.

The Hebrew writer says in chapter 10 verse 37: "It won't be long now, he's on the way; he'll show up most any minute." I'm sure you've heard that Jesus is coming back soon, and that fact is important. In addition, any day wasted in the pain of disappointment without any hope is one day too many. All I'm asking is that you consider these things for yourself. Life is short, and you only get one. It doesn't take much to get started on the journey. Read something and think about it. Lee Strobel's The Case for Christ is a great place to start. You might just have a conversation with someone. You might not agree with them, but at least then you'll know what you don't believe.

One last thing --whatever you do, figure out a way to overcome discouragement. Take on the quest that is your life with hope and the expectation that there really is truth out there and that it's possible to find it.

In the end, I never have regretted that fateful bike ride down the hill. It was a life experience after all, and in telling about it, I've been able to bring others the joy of laughter.