It All Started When. . .

I'd like to say it all started when I fell down the bleachers in the fifth grade, but that isn't exactly the truth. It started when I was born. My mom says that I was a cautious baby, testing things out before I tried to use them to help me stand up. I'm sure it's because I knew, even then, that I would easily fall.

I fall down. A lot.

As a four year old, I  insisted on wearing dresses and ended up with scabbed over knees every day. Right now my knees are scarred up looking from all that falling on sidewalks with no pant legs as protection.

In elementary school, I fell off the merry go round into a huge puddle of red mud. My first grade teacher made me sit outside on the sidewalk until my mom came to get me.

In middle school, I fell head first down the bleachers in the gym one day before school. If I've never told you about it, ask me sometime.

In high school I tumbled down steps at school and fell up the front porch steps and through the bottom of the screen door. The top half of my body landed right in the living room where my parents were visiting with my aunt and uncle. The rest of me was still out on the porch.

In college, I took a bad step off the sidewalk and started rolling down a steep hill. Luckily my back pack got wedged underneath me, so I didn't roll all the way down.

When I was dating my husband, my flip flops hydroplaned on his wet deck. I tumbled down with my skirt around my waist. What made it worse was the fact that he'd just said, "Be careful. The deck is pretty slick when it's wet."

At work I once missed a chair in the secretary's office. I landed straight on my butt. I was pretty sure no one had seen me do it, but a few hours later a student said. "Are you okay? I saw you fall down earlier."

These are just a few examples; I tripped over my desk chair today in fourth period. Thank the Lord, I have never been too seriously hurt by my clumsiness. I think maybe I've gotten used to the whole idea, so I let myself fall limply, so I end up bouncing instead of breaking.


Can I tell you about one of my favorite Psalms?

It's Psalm 40. I must confess that a book first brought it to my attention, Beth Moore's Get Out of That Pit!

Here's a video in which she talks about the essential points she makes in the book. Be warned it's nearly an hour long, so only watch it if you have that kind of time to invest.




Here's the short version:
 I waited patiently for the Lord.
He turned to me and heard my cry.
 He lifted me out of the pit of destruction,
out of the sticky mud.
He stood me on a rock
and made my feet steady.

 He put a new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God.
Many people will see this and worship him.
Then they will trust the Lord.  (Psalm 40:1-3 NCV underlining mine)
If anybody in the whole universe needs God to give her "steady feet" planted "on a rock," it's me. As much as I physically need that, I also need that mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

I hope you never have to face depression. It is a terrible thing. When depression gets a hold on you, it doesn't want to let go. There is no way to simply "snap out of it" or "cheer up." I've faced it a few times and have had to get medication for it before.

When I have gotten down to that sad, sad place, lots of things have helped me. I love walks outside; that helped. I got plenty of rest, and that helped. I talked to people close to me. That helped. All of it helped some, for a while, but the only thing that has kept me out of that dark place, Beth Moore calls it a pit, is God and his grace.

God is the only reason I'm not depressed today. I can honestly say that God has given me a new song, that I have a joy inside that I can't quite explain. The work God has and is doing inside my heart allows me to be free in a way that a change in circumstances never can or will. That's why I'm so in love with the fortieth Psalm. King David might have written it, but I've chosen to own it, to believe it, and to hear its message for me.

If you're reading this today, and you feel sad, depressed, or alone, don't be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes you can't do it alone. You weren't meant to do it alone. Allow God to help you. Allow your loved ones to help you. Allow yourself to see a doctor or therapist.

Be nice to yourself.

Image Credit: http://leahfelicity.blogspot.com/2010_11_01_archive.html

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