It's Good Manners, Silly!
She walked into my classroom straight from P.S.# somethin' in New York City. Every single thought had to be announced to the entire class. Her favorite phrase was, "Ms. I can't be doin' this work!" She slapped her books around and complained to the young man sitting next to her about me. He'd been in my class before, so he just raised an eyebrow and went back to work.
I was stymied. I tried it all. I took her into the hall for a conference. I thought it went well until she got back to her seat, and we were back at square one again. I tried to call home, I kept her after class for another talk, and I gave her several 'new' seats. She ended up back beside the student I'd taught before. He was the only one of us in the room who seemed able to cope with her antics, me included.
It didn't take long before I reached my last resort. Quality learning wasn't happening; she had to go. I sent her up to talk to the assistant principal. I'm a sensitive person, so I can't imagine any punishment more emotionally hurtful than being 'sent away.' Of course many high school kids would actually rather be sent to the office than stay in class. It took me a long time to figure that out. In fact my hesitancy to send students out of my class was my Achilles' heel for a long time. Thankfully I've gained a little bit of discernment and have a better idea about when to take that kind of action.
In any case, I caught up with the assistant principal after school to ask her how things had gone in her office. I was expecting to hear how my new student couldn't stand my presence and wanted to be moved to another class. I got a surprise.
"She said you're her favorite teacher." What? That was the last thing I was expecting to hear. The assistant principal pointed out that my student was probably facing some serious culture shock, which was something I'd thought about but dismissed. It seemed the issues I was having with this particular student were personal ones. Later that night as I thought about it more, I reconsidered. You can't get much more different than a rural, tobacco farming community and the Big Apple.
The next day I went to work with a new resolution. I was going to attempt to teach my new student the Southern Belle graces that my mama taught me.
It worked! The class she was in had two parts with lunch in between, an arrangement that surely saved lives that semester. I made a point to walk beside her every day and talk to her gently about things she'd said and done in the first forty-five minutes of class. I must give her credit. She listened to what I had to say and took the advice to heart. She never lost her spunk, but she managed much better. She made new friends and did well in my class.
A few years ago one of my colleagues wrote an article for a local newspaper. It was called "Back to School -- and to Bad Manners." (You can read it, but it'll cost you about $3.) In essence she said that the killer thing about teaching is simply bad manners. I've come to think that's true about so many areas of life.
Come on, even Honey Boo Boo's mama hired somebody to attempt to teach her some manners.
It isn't just about not talking with your mouth full or saying the day's lesson plan is 'stupid.'
Unless you're in a coma, you know it's election season. *sigh* There are lots of issues being tossed around. I'm an opinionated person myself; I think about things all the time and like to discuss them with others. I enjoy it when I get to hear other people's opinions. However, too often people just aren't nice when they talk about differences and disagreements.
As a result, people are hyper-sensitive about disagreements. I find that I'm super-concerned about disagreeing with others because there's nothing I hate more than a rupture in any relationship. I want all of us to be able to listen freely and freely share thoughts in return.
It all comes down to good manners. I don't mean which fork to use or the best way to excuse yourself to the bathroom. I mean common decency and consideration for each other.
"And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." Ephesians 4:32 (KJV)
Image Credit: http://uhclthesignal.com/wordpress/2010/03/22/good-manners-transcend-time-and-medium/
I was stymied. I tried it all. I took her into the hall for a conference. I thought it went well until she got back to her seat, and we were back at square one again. I tried to call home, I kept her after class for another talk, and I gave her several 'new' seats. She ended up back beside the student I'd taught before. He was the only one of us in the room who seemed able to cope with her antics, me included.
It didn't take long before I reached my last resort. Quality learning wasn't happening; she had to go. I sent her up to talk to the assistant principal. I'm a sensitive person, so I can't imagine any punishment more emotionally hurtful than being 'sent away.' Of course many high school kids would actually rather be sent to the office than stay in class. It took me a long time to figure that out. In fact my hesitancy to send students out of my class was my Achilles' heel for a long time. Thankfully I've gained a little bit of discernment and have a better idea about when to take that kind of action.
In any case, I caught up with the assistant principal after school to ask her how things had gone in her office. I was expecting to hear how my new student couldn't stand my presence and wanted to be moved to another class. I got a surprise.
"She said you're her favorite teacher." What? That was the last thing I was expecting to hear. The assistant principal pointed out that my student was probably facing some serious culture shock, which was something I'd thought about but dismissed. It seemed the issues I was having with this particular student were personal ones. Later that night as I thought about it more, I reconsidered. You can't get much more different than a rural, tobacco farming community and the Big Apple.
The next day I went to work with a new resolution. I was going to attempt to teach my new student the Southern Belle graces that my mama taught me.
It worked! The class she was in had two parts with lunch in between, an arrangement that surely saved lives that semester. I made a point to walk beside her every day and talk to her gently about things she'd said and done in the first forty-five minutes of class. I must give her credit. She listened to what I had to say and took the advice to heart. She never lost her spunk, but she managed much better. She made new friends and did well in my class.
A few years ago one of my colleagues wrote an article for a local newspaper. It was called "Back to School -- and to Bad Manners." (You can read it, but it'll cost you about $3.) In essence she said that the killer thing about teaching is simply bad manners. I've come to think that's true about so many areas of life.
Come on, even Honey Boo Boo's mama hired somebody to attempt to teach her some manners.
It isn't just about not talking with your mouth full or saying the day's lesson plan is 'stupid.'
Unless you're in a coma, you know it's election season. *sigh* There are lots of issues being tossed around. I'm an opinionated person myself; I think about things all the time and like to discuss them with others. I enjoy it when I get to hear other people's opinions. However, too often people just aren't nice when they talk about differences and disagreements.
As a result, people are hyper-sensitive about disagreements. I find that I'm super-concerned about disagreeing with others because there's nothing I hate more than a rupture in any relationship. I want all of us to be able to listen freely and freely share thoughts in return.
It all comes down to good manners. I don't mean which fork to use or the best way to excuse yourself to the bathroom. I mean common decency and consideration for each other.
Image Credit: http://uhclthesignal.com/wordpress/2010/03/22/good-manners-transcend-time-and-medium/
Avery pointed me to your blog, and I've read several of your posts this evening. I already feel blessed to have you in my children's lives. Thank you!
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